Current location:	bethedsa___maryland
Current mood:	happy
Current music:	rehab ___ amy winehouse
Entry tags:	- drabble length, - fanfiction, - pretty_stickers, - public view, fandom: ncis, genre: angst, genre: tragedy, media: television

D - peace and resolve
Title: peace and resolve
Author: perfumedgraces
Fandom: NCIS.
Pairing: tony dinozzo/paula cassidy!friendship
Rating: pg-13
Spoilers: Season 4 episode "Grace Period"
Word Count: 500
Prompt: ten. link..
Summary: when paula loses her team to a suicide bomber, she disappears and tony is the only one who knows how to get to her.
A/N: do you ever feel? written for pretty_stickers's biweekly drabbles, week eight. AU version of a scene/missing scene.


When she looks into the smoke filled room, her eyes fill with shock. She doesn't register the pain, she doesn't register the searing cut above her her eyebrow because all she sees is death and blood and this is way too much for her to take in at once. She should have been there!

"This is my fault, Gibbs! My team is dead because of me! I-"

A strong hand on her arm calms her nerves and she looks up to see Tony at her side, at the most serious she's ever seen him. An agent at the doorway babbles about how she insisted on being part of the investigation, and the whole world is reduced to the look he gives her. It tells her to cool it, it tells her he's sorry, it tells her that they're gonna get the son of a bitch who did this. If this were any other man, she would see pity in his eyes. But this is Tony.

She pulls away at the sound of her name being called and she can feel his eyes on the back of her head. She looks over the damage, tries to take it all in and suddenly the air gets too heavy, too hot. She takes off for her car and knows exactly where's she's going.

"Agent Cassidy!"

She zooms off, the feel of the steering wheel giving her strength and holding her up, keeping her from falling inside. It keeps her from curling up into the fetal position and rejecting the rest of the world. It only takes her a half an hour to get to the place she's looking for. The old orchid has been shut down for years, but the grass still grows wild and free along the edge of the wire fence. She wraps her long arms around the wooden post and takes a deep breath. And then, another. It is her strength and her support. She feels something within her quiet down, like there is an inherent emptiness swelling around in her stomach.

It is not peace, it is not sadness. It is not regret. It was … nothingness. She doesn’t even turn around when she hears the grass crinkling beneath a pair of shoes behind her.

“I could have saved them …”

Tony’s strong, unwavering hands sit on her shoulders and she draws more strength from him.

“You know that’s not true, Paula.”

She laughs nervously to let out energy. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Followed you. Why here?”

Her hands grip the wooden post as strongly as she can, and she wills herself to draw energy from it.

“I … used to come here all the time. I liked the openness. The …” She waves her hand around the open grass. “The peace.”

“We’re gonna get the bastard that did this.” He wraps his arms around her waist, and when she leans her head against his chest, she feels her heart start to beat a normal pace again.